Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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