there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
