I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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