Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
