i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
