toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
