Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
