We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
