Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
