Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
