insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
