Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
