i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He felt like a one man threesome
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
