hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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