It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
