a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
