I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
