Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
