I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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