you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
