the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I touched a dick in church today
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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