oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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