I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
