thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize