You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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