Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
