Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
