Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize