I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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