nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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