i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
