Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
