He kissed a someone with a penis
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
