twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
