I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
