dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
