checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize