I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My vagina is very pro this idea
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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