I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
