I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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