I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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