My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize