Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
time to smoke my breakfast
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
