How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
