lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize