Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
