I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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