addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
