So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Success! We fucked roommates!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
