some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
