it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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