Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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