Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
