someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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