So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
