a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
