Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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