dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
