Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
