I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
BRING THE BAGELS
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