On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
