New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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