a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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