Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
