Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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